What to do when life leaves?

I hate when you don't talk to someone that you can honestly say that you loved.
They walk out of your life for an assorted amount of time and when they come back, its like you don't know how to form words anymore. How do you breathe? Isn't your heart supposed to beat all by itself? These are the things that i have to ask myself when I'm talking to you. It's hard to think that I'm still in love with you. Will there really ever be another chance? Will you ever get over the apathetic point of view on life? I mean i know i have one as well, that was of course one of the main attractions of me and you dating, but will there come a time where we will get over it? Or if we get over it will we fall farther away from each other...
What does love even mean to you? Does it still mean that you want to talk to me all the time, want to get ahold of me at 2am just to know if I'm sleeping alright? When you left things changed. I have yet to decide if it was for the worst or the best. I walk around with this fake smile plastered to my face, i hope that no one will ask how i really am after i tell them the first time that I'm peachy. I want so badly to feel whole again, but i don't know when that will happen.

When will i be able to go outside, smoke out under the stars, go to the beach, listing to music on a sunny day with the windows rolled down, and go for night walks ever again without you emerging in my thoughts? How can i control this irrestiable urge to hurl myself into a deep slumber that will remove the numb feeling in my heart?

Answers only seem to come when your here.